Some days it hurts to breathe.

It’s like a boulder crushing my chest and the air can’t get into my lungs. Thoughts fill my mind and I can’t get rid of them. I try everything I can to avoid them because they hoard my brain and suffocate me. Memories are constant, they won’t leave.

There are days where I have a spring in my step, I smile and I love. And the slightest thing can throw me off.

I went to the beach, and took some amazing photos. I was happy, and forcing the memories into the back of my mind. Until I went to the flags. I set my towel where we usually would, and I went into the water alone. She had to hold my hand when I got scared of the waves.

I wish the wave took me and I wasn’t afraid. Maybe the pain would stop. It’s one of those days and I hate it.

There’s only one place that can calm me. I will sit by her grave and tell her everything. I’ll be there tomorrow. I need peace.

If there is a chance of peace, you know where to find me.


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