You know that feeling where you’ve lost something so important and you’re never going to get it back? I am constantly in that state.

I’m always on edge. Always on the verge of breaking down. I’m so tired.

Poetry is the only thing that makes me feel like I’m close to him. I’ve done this to myself. I pushed him away to the point of no return. It’s never going to be the same. He wants to leave and it’s no ones fault but my own. I wish I had done worse the other night, i wish I had just pushed a little harder.

He loves me and I know he does, but I broke him. My own selfishness shattered him. He’s a skeleton of himself because of me. I am heartless and disgusting.

This is my fault.

I ruined someone.

I ruined someone else’s family.

I wish I was 6ft deep. Because maybe I’d be at peace and the world would be restored. I’m nothing but a burden.

I will try again.

– Ash

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